No one talks about loneliness in motherhood
Updated: Feb 2, 2021
In the early days of my mothering, I felt so very alone. I was in a bit of a unique situation. My husband and I adopted three kids at once. I know, who approved that level of craziness, right? Our children were ages 3, 4, and 6 and came from traumatic experiences. Oh, and did I mention my husband was basically absent? He worked so many long hours when the kids were little, trying to provide for us and grow his company.
There was much work ahead, but I was ecstatic to be living out my greatest dream. I was a Mama! I rolled up my sleeves and faced it all head-on, in my typical independent fashion. Need I mention I was also a tad bit naive?
There were many challenging days and many excruciating nights, but the worst was the loneliness. I felt desperately alone and thought there was no one around who could truly understand my struggles. On top of the loneliness, I felt judged anytime we left the house. Two of my children didn't speak English and had no awareness of danger, so I spent most of my time chasing them down and trying to keep them alive. The youngest had a mouth on him that made me wish he didn't speak English. So while I was busy chasing the other two, the third child was dropping F-bombs. Oh, the looks people gave me.
I would have done anything at that time to build a village of mothers around me - mothers who could show me the way through the adopted-parent journey, mothers who could cry and laugh with me, mothers who could tell me it was all going to be okay.
Eventually, we survived. My children learned English, and my little man learned he couldn't use curse words. We could go out in public and behave like civilized people. We settled into a groove. This has been my biggest accomplishment in life because I literally had zero help. No one came to save me. I saved myself through sheer determination. I would not recommend bulldozing through tribulations with sheer determination. It took a toll on me in many ways because we were not created to live life alone.
I've wondered several times throughout 2020 if moms feel that loneliness I felt all those years ago? Sure, our circumstances are different, but there is great struggle (a pandemic, a civil rights movement, an election year, financial hardships, children at home doing virtual learning, and masks/social distancing when we go out in public) and often inside of struggle we feel alone.
This is why I wrote my book, Love Like A Mama and why I've started this blog. I don't ever want another mom to feel as alone and unseen as I did in those days. I may not be able to be with you physically, but I am here with you and for you, Mama. You are not alone!